always nauseous and always aching, tired too
i need a lobotomy
where did this pain come from? 
i think it came from deep inside
deep past my flesh: my muscles. my organs.
and there it is 
the gaping hole that has been there forever, never, always
it causes my pain and my misery? suffering? i'm not sure what to call it
i live with the symptoms and i can cope (barely; i'm one more mistake away
from crushing my head with a rock)
normal teenage feelings they say
hormones! hormones are funny arent they?
they make me want to scream and rip everyone to fucking shreds, blowing my brains out afterwards
is this poetry? is this beautiful? can i capitalise off of my instability? 
hatred.
I FEEL HATRED, IM A BAD DOG, SNARLING AT THOSE WHO TRY TO APPROACH
wow, i want to cut out my emotions, i see them growing out of my skin
sitting there with broken glass at my feet and clenching my fists
digging my nails into skin 
scratch scratch
"nobody understands me" is a cliche but it's so fucking true
they dont know my brain is a mess, 
like someone cut open the top of my head, scrambled it and spat on it and stabbed it and stitched me back up so no one noticed
i stare at the wall wondering who/ what i could've been 
and i sleep
lets do this again tomorrow.